The Movember Chia Pet

It all started with a hockey team. And probably a chocolate chip muffin.

NOTE: The following story has been assembled with the help of nothing but my own vague recollections. Inaccuracy is a social construct. You have been warned.

I was maybe eleven years old. My older sister Jordan was kicking ass and taking names as a left wing for the Wesleyan University women’s ice hockey team. (Hashtag proud. Hashtag NESCAC.)

The men’s team, however, was up to something peculiar. I’d find this out over a hearty breakfast at the Residence Inn continental buffet before a Saturday afternoon game.

“It’s called Movember. They don’t shave their beards during November. For men’s health charities.”

I nod, and then probably stab holes in my napkin with my fork, because I am eleven years old. Then it hits me.

“I have an idea,” I say. “Why don’t they make Movember Chia pets that are shaped like facial hair? Then they can sell them, and give that money to charity?”

Can you tell that I watched Shark Tank more frequently than the Disney Channel?

My parents probably — hopefully — look at me with some sort of reverence. There’s probably an utterance of, “That’s a good idea, Ave.” Or, knowing my mother, something along the lines of, “Why don’t you write to Chia Pet and suggest your idea?”

And just like that, it’s gone. Another fifth grade fever dream put out to pasture. The brand collaboration sat in my mind for years with nowhere to go, except perhaps the Spam folder of the Chia Pet email inbox.

Then I was assigned this project, and here we are.

Brought to you by Avery (2023) and Avery (2013): the Movember Chia Pet.